Top 21 Good Things About Hell

Anon

• None of that annoying check-in procedure like with St. Peter.
• Due to recent health code changes, vats of boiling brimstone now use low-fat canola oil.
• Your "Do you smell something burning?" slays 'em, year after year.
• Plenty of legal help available for filing "wrongful death" lawsuit.
• Newly passed law: Three strikes and you're back in LA.
• Satan's confused attempts to torture masochists can be highly entertaining.
• No need to pack the parka over Bob Dole's election chances.
• Well, sure, it's hot, but it's a *dry* heat.
• Free prostate checks and PAP smears administered daily!
• The surprisingly entertaining "Hitler and Kathie Lee Show."
• Every Thursday is Karaoke Night, hosted by Dean Martin and Sammy Davis, Jr.
• Prizes awarded for best crank phone calls to God.
• Everywhere you look, there's a smoking section!
• Big step up from Bakersfield.
• Your little "blue flame" trick now produces spectacular results.
• Free Microsoft software for everyone (as per agreement made back in early 80's).
• Now that you've followed her advice, you just might get that date with Cindy Crawford.
• 52 smmmmmokin' channels of Jim Carrey!
• Saturday night WWF tag-team bout between Genghis Khan, Vlad the Impaler, and Hitler.
• Everyone gets a length of pipe and a daily crack at Nancy Kerrigan's knee.
• Fortune to be made on "Welcome, O.J." t-shirts.