| Capitalism | He who dies with the most toys, wins. |
| Hari Krishna | He who plays with the most toys, wins. |
| Catholicism | He who denies himself the most toys, wins. |
| Anglican | They were our toys first. |
| Greek Orthodox | No, they were OURS first. |
| Branch Davidians | He who dies playing with the biggest toys, wins. |
| Atheism | There is no toy maker. |
| Polytheism | There are many toy makers. |
| Evolutionism | The toys made themselves. |
| Church of Christ, Scientist | We are the toys. |
| Communism | Everyone gets the same number of toys, and you go straight to hell if we catch you selling yours. |
| B'Hai | All toys are just fine with us. |
| Amish | Toys with batteries are surely a sin. |
| Taoism | The doll is as important as the dump truck. |
| Mormonism | Every boy can have as many toys as he wants. |
| Voodoo | Let me borrow that doll for a second. |
| Hedonism | To heck with the rule book!? Let's play! |
| Hinduism | He who plays with bags of plastic farm animals, loses. |
| 7th Day Adventist | He who plays with his toys on Saturday, loses. |
| Church of Christ | He whose toys make music, loses. |
| Baptist | Once played, always played. |
| Jehovah's Witnesses | He who sells the most toys door-to-door, wins. |
| Pentecostalism | He whose toys can talk, wins. |
| Existentialism | Toys are a figment of your imagination. |
| Confucianism | Once a toy is dipped in the water, it is no longer dry. |
| Non-denominationalism | We don't care where the toys came from, let's just play with them. |
| Agnosticism | It is not possible to know whether toys make a bit of difference. |
| Apathy | Toys? What do I need toys for? |
| Judaism | I'm selling. You buying? |
| First Kinky Church | You bet your ass we got Toys. |
| First American Church | We play Only with cowboy toys. |
| Church of Scientology | Toys 'R Us. |
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Last modified: August 19 2018 14:52:30