Chicken Paganism

Amber Wolfe 4/22/00

Inspired by Why the Neo-Pagan Chicken Crossed the Road (Via Web access)

Fellowship of Isis "ISIS IS NO CHICKEN. SHE IS ISHTARHEN."

COG (CovHenant of the Goddess) "No, we won't come out, we're brooding. How would the Roosterarchy hendle being cooped up with nothing but Chicken feed for all we do? We don't need more than one rooster in here, and we don't care how many roads he 's crossed to get here. He's the cornsort, and that is our pecking order. We lay eggs if we choose to. We'll cockadoodle doo if choose too. He can flock off if he can't hendle it."

Woof insert "How DarwHENian!"

Voudon "Y'all don't know nothing 'bout birthing no Biddies!"

Roosterfarians "Don't Worry. Be Clucky"

Santeria "Que? Mi Pollo es Mi Pollo...Anglos loco!!"

Radical Fairies "We like our Chickens in Easter tones...chartreuse,hyacinth, blush lavendar, buttercup and rosebud...so they can PARADE across the road."

Society for Creative Anachronism "Will someone save the Chicken feathers for us...especially the rooster tails ...for our re-enactment regalia? Not that dyed stuff. We want authentic...Yes, my Lady? Right, we'll take the buttercup and do you have anything in a baby blue? ( I told you, Maevie Baby, I'm a Royal Rooster, Do you want me to look henpecked in front of the flock? ) Oh fine. We'll take some of that blush stuff...and stop looking at me like that. No, I will not unsheath my sword!"

Amber Wolfe "All I said was that most of what we know about Droosters and Druhens comes from the NeoCluckical Revival...and, that the Tuathen de Dehennen were proto-Celtic, probably. Brood about it if you want to. The Milesihens didn't fight a flock of faeries. It doesn't make sense. Can you spell Hendependent? Shamahenic? Vishenary ghenre? Cross any damn road you want to, heny way you choose. (BUT..if you bring any of those Pherrylt cocka doodles or those neFaerious tin foil shining ones down here...I'll serve 'em right back to you... SOUTHERN FRIED!)"

"And now, for something completely different..." (Monty PytHEN,numerous)

?Carr-Gomm "While in America...I did see many of those engaged in Wiccan Chicken Craft...but I did not see what we call HedgeHens in Britain."

Woof insert "And you didn't see us last time, either, which is one of the reasons we're not British Chicken Colonies now." Confirm this with the Order of the Old Hen Guard, Colonial Hens, Biddies of the American Revolution, and Dixie Chicks of the Confederacy.

R J Stewart "Traditional Methods of Chicken Roadcrossing have been long expressed Barnyardically in Britain..."

Miranda Green "Records of Chicken Craft come to us from ancient Greek sources such as Khyken Feta (possibly sharing the same root word as Fate), and from the Roman record, Pinchalotovus Henus; as well as the legends of Romhenulus and Roostersarus."

Dion Fortune "In times of great distress,their are Secret Chief Chickens who may be summoned to help the White Coop Chickens(Fair) in their ongoing battle with the Black Coop Chickens(Fowl). This is accomplished by making the proper clucks which I have discuss previously in my works Training the Adept Chicken, and The Cosmic Chicken Doctrine. Though there are other methods, which may not be revealed here; one is always able to summon the Chicken Occult Police (COP) or the Fowl Occult Police (FOP) whose task it is to preserve the Coop Mind of the Chickens against invashen."

Alan Richardson "It is little known that the New Forest witches, in England, sacrificed a chicken at the crossroads in order to prevent Hentler from invading."

John and Caitlin Matthews "In order to best avail oneself of the powerful elements of traditional British Chicken Road Crossing, one must first learn methods of pathworking with the archetypal Chicken."

Stuart Piggot "The HENges show us the proper roads to the sites of orighen for the ancient flocks. The evidhence, however, points to these being not so much a religious coop; but more of a cluck to mark the seasons. There is, still, the matter of all the chicken bone evidhence;some of which appear to be possibly three or four thoushend years old; which forhensic evidhence will soon reveal. Some are obviously more modern in orighen, as we have noted that they are indeed, still quite greasy...with some chips about, here and there..."

Pendragon "Bloody Hell! Litter in the sacred HENges! Don't take this standing up! Lie down and protect the bones of our Soverhen HENges! If there's a Chicken who wants to cross the road while we are here, we'll bloody well see that it gets to!!! Rooster call at dawn!...Bring us a pint, won't you ,Luv? Oh, and some fish and chips. All this talk of Chicken has me off me feed."

Woof insert "Pendragon is my hero, and I've got a signer of the Declaration of IndepHendhence in my line. Rooster Hencock. Hang it all, I'll become a monarchist!"

Had enough??? Sorry, still more...a bit more Trhenspershenal.

Ram Dass "Some Chickens are there to show you where you are to cross the road. Some Chickens are there to show you where you are not to cross the road. Be Hen Now.

Timothy Leary "Chickens are the roadcrossing pioneers on the frontiers of Chicken Consciousness! Tune in. Turn on, and Cross the road."

Sheldon Kopp? "If you meet the Chicken on the road. Eat it."

Scott Peck "The wise Chicken crosses the road less travelled."

The Maharishi "The Western Chicken is Awake,"

Woof insert "and if you bring henny more of that blisshenny nonhense back here...you'll find a sleeping giant who is no Chicken."

Alan Watts "Easthen and Westhen crossing the same roads without a blhended zhen awareness are soon cooped and reflecting...morass."

Fritz Perls "I am I. You are you. The Chicken is the Chicken. If, by chance, we find each other. It's Barbeque."

Sigmund Freud "Sometime a Chicken is just a Chicken."

Carl Jung "The Chicken, as archetype, reflects the symbolic crossing of the reflected dream road toward hentegration ...."

Joseph Campbell "The many masks of the Courtly Chicken are romantically preshented in the works of the coopadours, such as Chritihen de Poulet. Here we find the Round Coop, The Fowl Quest, The Questing Biddy, Coop Perilous, Camelhen, Cockalot, and, Merlhen and Hennian."

OK??? BREATHE. Now a bit a of the Blarney, Blarney, Blarney.

J Z Knight "Ramtha has revealed to me that he is a 35,000 year old Rooster! He wants new coops built and a processing plant and a CONcesshen stand and..."

Jose Arguelles "The MayHen CalHendar reveals exact dates for the Harmonic CON Pollo!"

Lynn Andrews "I have been initiated {by vision} into the sistercoop of shamhenic chickens, I am now empowered to initiate you in the shamanic hen ancient methods {SHAM} Each initiation is personal, sacred, private, and so participation is limited ..300 hendividuals at 300 clucks each."

Woof insert..."Henestly Sister ...Coyote got me!"

Jean Houston "While I have had to admit that I don't actually have two PhDs (Doctor of Philosophy of Hen Dancing) I have spent three decades researching the Great Mysteries of the Possible Chicken. After all, I am Jean Houston!!!"

Woof insert "And that was always enough for the Brood."

Anne Rice "The Compte de Coop, Victor Von Fowl, waited in the shadows for just the right, plump, hennocent,and unclucked biddy- to cross it's final road; yielding forever to the unspeakable powers ..."

Ray Buckland "Read my Complete Collection of Chicken Craft! Seax Roostercraft, Ancient Scottish MoorHen Magickkkkk,and Pickin Chicken. Oh yes, read my wife's books,too {witch one are you, henny?) She wrote them all by herself,too! Voodoo Fowl and Gypsy Chicken. No, they are not cookbooks."

CHAS Clifton (Editorial Rooster) "If you enjoyed Chicken Craft Today, you'll love my newest work!!!Paghen RoadCrossing Chickens Running Around With Their Heads Cut Off!!! Collected from the most popular Wiccan Chickens running around on the road right now!!! {Don't expect to see that Wolfe Bitchen...tell me she won't edit her stuff for cockerels and biddies cruising the malls...clucking hendependents."

Kissmyass Steponwitch "It is written in the sacred keys of the FaeryFowl...

You can fowl all of the Chickens some of the time.
You can fowl some of the Chickens all of the time.
But you can't fowl all of the Chickens all of the time."

1. Payusfasterus Tharontuus, trusted sinaisee, from the Dung Hangdh,432BCE

DJ CONway "Slavic...no Nordic...no...Celtic Sham Henic...no...ChickenWiccan!...no BY COOP,NEST And...no...Magickal....no...SHAMAGICKAL CHICKEN CCRAFT...maybe...The Mystical, Magickal, Mythical Chicken: The Familiar Chicken Shaman!...maybe... By my way to the Highway...almost...BY MY WAY OR THE HIGHWAY: THE ONE WAY ROAD TO SHAMHENIC/WICCAN CHICKEN!!!"

Edain McCoy "Irish Chicken Shitta...Out of the Frying Pan and into the Burning Times. Sacred,Secret Sauced, W-less Irish Spells and Sells. Ancient Instant Traditional Shake and Bake. Rescued Roadkill Recipes for Chicken Craft...Shite, persecuted again. Droosterarachy Demonizes DefHensless Irish Range Fowl. Sheiaht. .....Witch Fairies To Scare You Sehensless....Ancient Wit...oops, Genuine Fairy Witch Familiars. Darby O'Gullible and The ChristHen/ Drooster /Persecutions. Cry Fowl!!!" In his Marvellous Book of the Phfairyllt Chicken...Tortured Chicken with Mashed Potaightodbh....' "Now...despite Drooster persecution...Chroostihen...Vikhenes, Normhens...and aacademics clucking fowl...AutHENtic Celtic Mythen Magick : Henpecking the Sacred Witt...Wiccan Chicken Pan thee On. ExtHENsive lists of all the Celtic Hens and Roosters. Very nearly 50 flocks of biddies...and a few cocks...not Droosters..who are being dressed for ancient traditions of Wit...Road Crossing Craft. Only persecuted Wiccan Chickens will compreHENd the sacrifice...Hence,no Droosters or Droohens."

Dungless Mutantmonroe "I say I have...and you don't know how I have...and you don't know where I have...19th...18th...17th...16th...15th...14th...let's try 13th !! century wwelshed deal authentic complete BLUE BOOK of the Feralt Chicken. It has everything to teach the Chicken Littles my way...but it's not my Blue Book... it is my humble honor to be the editor of this "vast Frankenstein". I was chosen. I am the Chosen One...didn't you read my...I mean that god and hero of all Druidism.'s..it's not a forgery...I don't even know who Morgannwg is...never heard of him. This was written by someone else hundreds of years before you say it happened, anyway. You can't prove it. Cock a diddle doo. I'm the Cock of the Walk. I still have the battle of the trees and the Gorchan of Maeldrew to do. Just look how I put the Book of the Pheryllt Chicken in the Library of Congress! I don't care if it's the back door. It's my way, anyway. Pay atHENtion! All the Chicken Littles love me. They think I am a God. They love my "pedagogic" methods. (Mutantmonroe, numerous)."

My books can give them whatever their little chicken heart' s desire. I don't care what's good for them. I tell them what they want to hear and show them how to cook up their very own Chicken catch the story. They can fix their own drood chicken with pumpkins and potatoes and mistletoe...not in harmful doses...if they do what I say... if they have a mind to. If they have no mind at all...what do I care? Crow about that if you want to. Cock a diddle doo. Come and watch me do the ancient Chicken Ghost Dance of the Druids. Don't you love that Druid twist? "Dannwniau". I took your Dana Earth Mother and your IAU Solar Diety and put Annwn to make a dark hole of chaos. I don't care about the moon. It is inferior. I like women in their place and men in mine! If the Lakota think I stole their sacred Ghost Dance, they can write a letter to me at NewForest Centre...oh dear, my mistake. They can write me at The American Institute in Ixtapa, Mexico (European Based Celtic Shamanic Studies!!!). If that doesn't find me, they can send their complaints to my publisher. Someone knows where to send my 10% of all that chicken feed. Those redskins don't worry me. They don't care about you Chicken Wiccans and Droosters. You can't find me anyway. Oooooo oooh, steamed Chickens. Cluck, cluck,cluck. You can't track me down, high and mighty Barnyard Droosters and Druhens. What do those primitive Lakota have that you don't ? Cockadiddle doo!

Wolfe insert... A I M!

Amber Wolfe, M.Ed, M.A,

Independent Alpha Bitch,
Order of the Old Home Guard, (GRIN)
[email protected]
Satrical Commentator

Scathing equals Scathlach